It Hurts

       My body hurts.  I live in a constant state of pain.  I have fibromyalgia.  Have had it for a long time.  Long enough to have let it almost beat me, becoming so weak I could hardly stand on my own.  And long enough to have overcome its worst times, I've had babies and kept on living.  But still I hurt.  I get migraines.  Sciatica.  Charlie horses.  Muscle spasms.  
        My back, shoulders and neck feel like they are on fire.  A hot but dull aching thud of pain that never goes away.  It's a rare day that I am not hurting. Nerve pain is the worst.  Nothing can touch it. I have carpal tunnel in both wrists, degenerative joint disorder and barely any cartilage left in my right knee.  Something pops every time I bend it and sometimes, quite often actually it gives out on me.  I'm not sure, but I think that my rotator cuff may be damaged. I faced cancer. And still  I rose!  
        I know that God wouldn't give me anything that I can't handle but I don't want to hurt for the rest of my life.  I'm sick of the pain.  I want to be free from it.  The only time I forget how much I hurt is when I'm sleeping, and getting to sleep takes work trying to find a comfortable way to lay.  I've already had one surgery on my right arm for carpal tunnel, I don't think it worked.  I work too hard.  I want to quit.  If I could curl up in a little ball and die that way weeping silent tears for my screaming pain, I would.