Why Are Wednesdays Tougher Than Mondays?

     Once again, the alarm rang and I turned it off to keep sleeping.  And of course she missed the bus!  By two minutes is all, thats the shitter.  Now, all summer long, I can wake up ass crack early with no problem, but as soon as school is in session, I can't get my shit together anymore.  I think it has something to do with yard sale season being in the summer time and you all know the early bird gets the worm.  I'm up like pow! Whispering, "James, I'm going yard saling.  The girls are asleep.  I'll be back soon".  The sooner I get my ass up and out of bed on the weekends during the summer, the more time I have to troll the county for good deals on shit I don't need.  Then I get to stay gone till usually around noon before he realizes his wife is missing and texts me.  And I come home with a car full of stuff he gets to unload and bitch at me for buying.

     I also think my early summer waking hours have to do with the fact that I know there's gonna be a ton of "Momma's" coming my way as soon as their eyes open and I need at least 2 cigarettes and 3 mugs of coffee before anyone can call me that.  Also my own inner unspoken phobia that if I don't get up to feed they who hunger when they rise, my sweet and sour little girls will ravage the kitchen and bring various food items to my bed to prepare for them.  Just this week, while James was gone, I woke up with a tub of Skippy and a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos in my bed courtesy of Miss Muffin.  And there's the time Nonna poured out a whole gallon of milk on me while I slept at 2:30 in the morning.  I cut her off the cup the NEXT night, believe.

     So back to now, not summer or then, once again I overslept just enough to miss a bus and have to yell at my kids to get them up and moving.  I hate when I'm mean to them in the mornings.  They can't tell time.  They don't have an alarm clock in their room or all the necessary gross motor skills and common logic to get to school on their own yet. I don't think the kindergarten or preschools they attend would care for them trying to drive my truck either!  Now on Mondays, I don't work.  So I get to be here for bath and bed time.  I get to make sure they get laid out early and then I can get to bed decently early too.  Thus on Mondays and Tuesdays, I am able to pull my head from under the pillows the first time the alarm buzzes and get them off on time with hugs, kisses, and even snacks in their backpacks and songs in their little heads.  Especially Mondays if James doesn't wake up for his assigned Monday duty, because I desperately need them gone so I can recover from a weekend of being called "mama".

     Tuesdays I close the restaurant so I'm not even out of there until sometime after 11, and that's if I'm lucky and its been a slow night.  That means it's like 1 or 2 before I get myself to sleep on a Tuesday night/ Wednesday morning.  When the alarm goes off, I just fell asleep for fuck's sake.  I hit snooze and snooze until the dogs go crazy barking at the sanitation workers collecting the trash downstairs, usually around 7:39. Just late enough for Nonna to have missed the bus.  So I wake up and go flying into their room barking orders, turning on bright lights and turning on the TV and they go all insta-grumpy on me.  My fault, I know but damn.  We then fight over wardrobe, teeth brushing, who gets to pee first; it's terrible.  All while playing the "don't wake up Daddy" game.  Nonna always wants to bitch about what snack she's taking and Muffin just takes her lead.  They bitch all the way to the car and the whole ride to school about music, seatbelts, the whole nine.

     It's really not about her even missing the bus though, I'm going that way to get Muff to the preschool.  It's that when Nonna misses the bus and rides with me and her sister, she then runs the risk of missing breakfast. This happens partially because we are late, and partially because she cries the whole way that she wants to get dropped off second because she wants to go into the preschool with me to drop off her sister and see her old teachers.  Might be okay if we weren't late, little girl.  Or if you didn't run around the preschool like you never graduated, climbing on stuff or under things to hide from me.  Then you wouldn't miss breakfast either. Dramedy.  That's what I call my life with little girls.  Part drama, part comedy.  It's a battle to get them to school on Wednesdays, I swear.

     This all leads me to a couple of conclusions, I am first going to need my friends and family who live in my area to leave some shit in your front yards for me to drive by looking at on weekday mornings during the school year.  Also,  I think I picked the wrong days when James and I split up the take the kids to school days.  Wish I could switch to Thursday and Friday school duty.  But it was hard enough arguing him into taking Mondays,which I usually end up doing anyways because those thangs need to get out of my house and go to school on a Monday and leave me the hell alone to enjoy my last day off in peace.  The plan was I picked the days I felt I needed to be up early on anyways and gave him the days that I wanted to sleep in on or had to work early on.  But he usually fails me on Mondays, and like I said, they gotsta go to school on Monday more than any other day!  Writing this I realize I'm getting the short end of this stick.  Oh well, I suppose I have summer to look forward to when I will wake up early everyday and they won't have to go to school.  Wait just a fucking minute. Why doesn't that comfort me?